


You'll Hang With The Right Cohorts, You'll Be Good At Sports

by jono74656



Category: Glee
Genre: Canon Rewrite, Gen, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-07 21:59:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/753543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jono74656/pseuds/jono74656
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The McKinley Titans quite enjoy actually winning for a change, and decide they need to keep their golden kicker around.</p>
<p>Season 1 rewrite going AU from the end of 1x04 'Preggers'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 'Preggers'

**Author's Note:**

> I've read a couple of fics like this before, and this idea's been bouncing around for a while so I'm glad to finally get round to putting it down on paper.
> 
>  
> 
> Title courtesy the perfect song 'Popular', from the perfect musical 'Wicked'.
> 
> Disclaimer: Nuh uh, not mine.

You'll Hang With The Right Cohorts, You'll Be Good At Sports: 

Chapter 1- Preggers

 

Azimio glanced around at the rest of the team as they celebrated their first actual victory in years; he was unusually deep in thought, contemplating whether what he was about to suggest would go down well, or end up with him stuffed in a dumpster or pelted with paintballs.

He took a deep breath and banged his hands down on the table, shrugging off Langenthal's annoyed look at his rough treatment of the dude's mom's furniture with a smirk.

“Listen up dudes. We gotta talk.”

The rest of the Titans grumbled a bit but obediently huddled up closer, expectent eyes on Az. He took a deep breath, thinking over all the bad ways this could go for a second, then launched into it.

“First off, can we all agree that actually winning for a change felt fucking awesome?”

The team nodded and made self-congratulatory noises, Hudson and Puckerman exchanged fist bumps.

“Second, can we agree that while Hummel might be a fairy, he's a fairy with a golden kicking leg?”

The noises this time were more reluctant, though the general consensus seemed to be that yeah, Hummel was an alright kicker. Good enough.

“I don't know about you, but I wanna keep winning. And since Langenthal has proven to be a shitty kicker that means we need Hummel to stick around, yes? And in order for Hummel to stick around we have to stop treating him like trash? No more dumpster diving, no more slushies, no more locker slams. None of it.”

Here he glared at Puckerman, usually the initiator of said indignities to those he deemed to be losers. Puckerman just shrugged back, unaffected, before pouting at Hudson when the taller teen slugged him in the arm.

“This is serious dude, I don't wanna go down as QB of McKinley's worst team ever. And Kurt's not a bad guy when you get to know him. I feel really bad about all that crap we used to pull on him.”

Puck just scoffed.

“You sure that doesn't have anything to do with your little buddy smacking your ass on stage Finny?”

Finn opened his mouth to snap something back, but Az overrode them both.

“Seriously dudes, we lose Hummel and we're back to being Ohio's worst team in history. So which is more important to you. Winning. Or putting down some dude who's half the size of any of us?”

He stared around at the team, and wasn't surprised when Hudson was the first to back him up, followed closely by Rutherford and Chang. The rest of the team slowly nodded their agreement, until only Puckerman was shaking his head. 

Finn sighed at Puckerman, and Az heard him mutter “You wanna be a Lima loser for life dude?”

Puckerman looked unusually conflicted after that, finally giving in with an over-the-top dramatic sigh.

“Fine dudes. I'll leave the little fairy alone, but I ain't gonna be buddy buddy with him alright. And he'd better not creep on me in the locker room”

Az gave in to the temptation and leaned across their circle to smack Puckerman upside the back of his ridiculous mohawk.

“Seriously dude, did you see Hummel creeping on any of us? Dude's fucking terrified in the locker room, you can practically smell it. After all the shit we've put him through I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks we'll kill him for looking. And even if he does look? He's fucking tiny, not like he could do anything to any of us if we didn't want him to.”

He smirked as the implications of his statement sunk into the minds of his fellow teammates, taking longer in some cases than others. The team stared around at one another semi-accusatorialy for a moment before he broke the staring contests with a pointed cough.

“I spoke to Coach, he's gonna get a custom order in for a Letterman jacket for Hummel. Until it's delivered, it's up to us to let everyone know he's one of us and no-one messes with him. I'm gonna lean on Karofsky and try to get him to rein in the puckheads, the rest of you put the word out. Anyone who messes with a Titan is gonna be getting a slushy facial every day til graduation.”

The team nodded in enthusiastic agreement of this last point, and most of them broke the huddle to get back to celebrating their victory. Only Hudson and Puckerman stayed at the table, though he noticed Rutherford and Chang lingering close enough to hear everything that was said.

“Hudson, you're the only one of the team Hummel won't run from on sight. You're in charge of making sure he knows we're serious about this. Puckerman, get your ass down to the glee club, that Acafellas bullshit was a cry for help, even glee's better than that. Once you're in the choir room you can start showing Hummel you're not gonna be a douchebag to him anymore.”

Out of the corner of his eye he caught the considering looks on Chang and Rutherford's faces as he spoke, but was dragged back to Puckerman when he let out a martyred sigh and nodded unhappily, Hudson pounding him on the back in excitement at having his 'bro' in glee club with him. They left the table with Hudson talking up possible songs for Puckerman to audition with, and they swept Chang and Rutherford up in their wake as they passed, heading for the kitchen, and the beer.

With the whole 'talking to the team about laying off Hummel thing' sorted out, a beer actually sounded good. He snagged a slice of pizza on his way to the kitchen, and, upon seeing Hudson demonstrating some glee club dance moves to the other jocks, grabbed the beer and hustled back out again.

He just hoped they'd be able to limit the booty shaking on the field from now on, Beyoncé wasn't exactly his speed.


	2. The Rhodes Not Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azimio reflects on the week April Rhodes came to McKinley, and has a conversation with Kurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was pleasantly surprised by the response to the first chapter I posted of this. I honestly didn't think there was much of a niche for season 1 football team fic.
> 
> Have some more. I'm sticking with Azimio POV for the moment, but that might change in future chapters. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Glee ain't mine. I'd take much better care of it than RIB have been doing.

You'll Hang With The Right Cohorts, You'll Be Good At Sports:

Chapter 2- The Rhodes Not Taken

 

Az was quietly confident about how his whole 'keeping Hummel on the team' plan was progressing; the letterman jacket had been delivered, and though Hummel had described it as “tragically jock chic” and turned up his nose at how it clashed with his many, many outfits, he was nevertheless wearing it a couple of times a week, much to the visible disgust of Karofsky and the rest of the puckheads.

The puckheads hadn't taken kindly to the resident fairy taking up a permanent position on the football team, elevating him above them in the school heirarchy at a stroke. They'd tried to bust him back down with a full rainbow slushying, but had bitten off more than they could chew when they'd ambushed him while he was walking with Rutherford and Chang, newly joined up with the glee club and less than impressed at getting a facefull of cold ice and food colouring.

The resulting brawl had pulled in pretty much the entire football and hockey teams, and had only been broken up by the unlikely duo of Coach Sylvester and Lauren Zizes. Az felt pretty smug about the whole thing, Hummel had cemented himself as part of the team by breaking Karofsky's nose, and the whole team considered the resulting week of after school detentions well worth it.

Puckerman had decided that breaking Karofsky's nose made Hummel a badass, and they had apparently taken the glee club by storm with some song about loathing from some musical about a green chick having serious sexual tension with some blonde. 

Speaking of blondes; Mister Schuester had brought in an old McKinley student after Berry had diva'd her way out of the glee club, and she was cutting a swath through the team. It had all started when Langenthal had walked in on her being double-teamed by Puckerman and Rutherford; since then every member of the team had had a little fun with Mz April Rhodes, and Az had to admit that for an older chick, she was a damn fine lay.

Of course, she seemed less awesome when he walked in on her teaching Cohen-Chang and Jones the finer arts of shoplifting. He'd turned around and walked the hell away again, there wasn't much that scared him at McKinley, but Jones in a bad mood was terrifying; he'd seen Hummel's car after she got through with it and for the sake of his car he wasn't going to provoke her.

But possibly the worst of April's ideas had definitely been introducing Hummel to booze.

Granted, the team had planned to get Hummel drunk at the next team gathering, but they wouldn't have handed him booze then wandered off and left him to drink himself into a miserable stupor. They'd all collectively decided that Hummel needed to relax a little, plus they were pretty sure he'd be a fun drunk once he lost a little of that prissy attitude.

They'd first realised he'd been at the booze when he'd turned up to practice and started adding extra flourishes into his pre-kick 'Single Ladies' routine. (Az hadn't been aware you could add any more flourishes to Beyonce, but apparently Kurt Hummel could) The extra dance flourish had progressed smoothly to a giggly Hummel re-enacting the ass slap from the glee club's 'Push It' performance on a shocked Hudson in the locker room, much to the amusement of Puckerman, who'd spent several minutes killing himself laughing at the expression on Hudson's face.

The fact that Hummel had proceeded to slap Puckerman's ass had left Puckerman looking even more stunned, and the rest of the team helpless with laughter.

And when Hummel'd rolled into morning practice the next day clearly hungover, they'd all responded exactly the same way they would if anyone on the team had done the same thing. Overly loud chatter just to see him clutch his head, then the ritual handover of aspirin and water. He'd been almost pathetically grateful for both, and they'd figured that would be the end of Hummel's experiment with alcohol.

Glee practice the next day had put paid to that idea, Chang had sought Az out and told him Hummel had been barely able to stand, fumbling through their choreography and passing up several opportunities to make bitchy comments. That plus his substandard ensemble had set off alarm bells for the jock contingent of the club, and they'd sent Chang to warn the rest of the team before practice started. Hummel was liable to fall and crack his skull while trying to kick the ball, and they'd rather avoid that. 

The team had convinced Coach Ken that their kicker wasn't the one who needed practice, and had accepted a series of suicides as payment for Hummel being dismissed early. 

In the end it had all been for naught though. Hummel had arrived at school the next day, and during passing period had managed to call Miss Pilsbury Bambi, before blowing chunks all over her shiny shiny shoes; resulting in a trip to the nurse's office for him, and a trip to the emergency room for her. (Apparently she'd taken like five decontamination showers, he was surprised she wasn't still glowing red)

Hummel had made a sorry sight the next morning; skin pasty and eyes bloodshot, but he'd thrown himself into preparing for the glee club's invitational, and badgered the team until they all agreed to show up and support the club. 

It hadn't been half bad, the cowboy costumes had oddly suited several members of the club, and the team had had hysterics at Hummel's over the top 'come hither/oh yeah I'm getting some' expression when April'd been singing to him.

They'd swarmed him after the performance, clapping him congratulatorialy on the back and ribbing him good-naturedly about his chances of getting laid by April. His outraged shriek had echoed around the parking lot, and he'd kicked a laughing Puckerman in the shin to the amusement of all.

Alcohol aside, the first week of operation 'Make Hummel Feel Like Part Of The Team' had been a resounding success, and Az gave himself an internal pat on the back as Hummel walked past laughing with Chang, apparently discussing choreography for a future glee number.

Az turned to head to his math class, but paused as Hummel hailed him, drawing up next to him with a cautious smile on his face. He tilted an inquisitive look Hummel's way, and smiled internally as Hummel met it with an artfully raised eyebrow.

“I wanted to thank you, Adams.”

“Thank me?”

“Yes. Finn says it was your idea to actually try to make me part of the team. I... appreciate it.”

Az reached out and gently patted Hummel on the shoulder,

“You're one of us now, Hummel. That's all that matters.”

With one last pat he turned and walked away, glancing back at Hummel's smiling face as he rounded the corner and headed for the drudgery that was math.

Hummel was gonna make a great Titan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some more Az.
> 
> All feedback appreciated.


	3. Vitamin D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt's thoughts on the events of the boys vs girls mash-up competition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, real life can be a bitch sometimes. 
> 
> I'm eternally surprised by and grateful for the positive reception to this fic, thank you all.
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Glee ain't mine, and nowadays that doesn't bother me as much as it used to.

You'll Hang With The Right Cohorts, You'll Be Good At Sports:

Chapter 3- Vitamin D

 

When Mister Schuester had announced the whole boys versus girls competition, Kurt had entertained the notion of trying to work with the girls; they were more likely to listen to and appreciate his ideas after all. 

His fellow Titans seemed to sense this, however, and deployed their collective puppy dog eyes to devastating effect. His resolve had wavered, then collapsed when Artie got in on the act, directing such magnificent sad anime eyes at Kurt that he had almost melted, and had joined their team without any further delays.

Mister Schuester seemed absurdly pleased by his decision, as though the man himself was somehow responsible for Kurt becoming more comfortable with the jocks. 

Schuester was an idiot.

His fellow guys were also idiots, and had absolutely no idea how to put a number together, while Rachel freaking Berry had probably already worked the girl's number out and was putting them through intense choreography at this very moment.

Kurt had finally had to intervene after Finn literally nodded off in the middle of their planning session, sending Finn off to the nurse's office while steering the guys in the direction of the classic rock genre, as that was well within the wheelhouses of all their vocalists, and would allow Mike and Matt to have some fun with the choreography.

They'd finally settled on their song selections, and had started mashing them up to best effect, when Finn swept back in through the door in a whirlwind of hyperactive energy and run-on sentences. 

He happily spouted about how the new nurse had given him some way cool 'vitamin' that had given him his ADHD-levels of energy, and then proceeded to throw a packet of that 'vitamin' to Puckerman, with encouraging noises about them all taking some, and therefore kicking the girl's asses.

After his little alcoholic indiscretion, Kurt would not usually have touched the pills, clearly marked as decongestants, not 'vitamins'; but the lure of showing up that Streisand wannabe hack Berry was too strong, and he'd downed his with determination filling his mind.

Whether due to the influence of the decongestants, or simply because he'd made a good impression with the team, the guys were actually willing to listen to some of his ideas. He hadn't been able to sell them on exotic bird feathers or cornrows, but they had given him free rein with costuming, and even consented to a little makeup to make sure they stood out during the performance.

He had of course seized the opportunity to get them all in tight jeans and leather jackets, and really, who could blame him for that?

Naturally, he'd accessorised his own outfit with a killer scarf, but the guys had been so impressed with their leather jackets that they hadn't even bothered teasing him about it. Their performance had gone off without a hitch (except the hitch in his breath when Mike had unveiled his kickass dance moves.)

He knew, even before the girls had performed, that they'd kicked their asses. He'd had a momentary thought of sharing the secret of the Sudafed with them, but had been quietly surprised to realise that he'd come to think of the guys as Team. He wasn't gonna screw around with that.

The girls' performance had been somewhat lackluster by comparison with their own, Berry screeching more than a little on the high notes, and their dayglow yellow costumes searing the eyes of everyone watching. Kurt hadn't been surprised when Schuester and Miss Pillsbury had awarded them the victory, and had limited himself to directing a smug look in Berry's direction while the rest of the guys whooped and fistbumped. 

Kurt had been downright shocked when he'd been swept up in the middle of the guys' group hug, and had sweaty bodies plastered to his on all sides. He'd fought down the instinctive boner through sheer force of terrified will, sure that it would tip the scales on the truce between him and the male population of McKinley. 

Rachel in particular had been downright pissed about losing to the guys, and her pitchy shrieking had finally overcome even Mister Schuester's indulgence, the teacher smacking her down in no uncertain terms, and threatening not to allow her to perform at Sectionals. He had also formally announced that the guys' mash-up would be their opening number for the competition, as it was fast-paced and snappy, and was bound to appeal to the judges. (The guys' smug looks had only increased at this.)

Finn had told them the next day that the new school nurse, who had turned out to be Mister Schue's wife, had been fired for peddling decongestants under the guise of vitamins, especially as she'd accidentally gotten Howard Bamboo arrested on suspicion of running a crystal meth lab. 

Kurt wasn't exactly sad to see her go, they didn't need her chemical assistance to perform and win, and they proved that with an encore performance of their mash-up at another of Principal Figgins' random pep rallies. They actually had the audience on their feet cheering without any ot their 'Push It' shenanigans. Even Coach Sylvester hadn't been able to raise any genuine objection beyond complaining about their 'sexualised' costumes. Which from a cheerleading coach was a pretty hypocritical comment.

The loudest cheers of all had come from their fellow Titans, easily drowning out the theatrical booing and catcalling from the diehards on the hockey team. Azimio had been the first on his feet for the standing ovation, and the whole team had thrown an impromptu party celebrating their 'badass' performance.

Kurt had never thought he'd be comfortable on a team, or feel like 'one of the guys'. It was strange to realise just how comfortable he'd gotten around the team in such a relatively short amount of time. He wasn't complaining though, as much as he loved his girls, it was nice to have male friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno folks, this might not be my best work, but at least I managed to trap my muse long enough to get something written.

**Author's Note:**

> This is another fic idea that's been sitting on my hard drive for a while, this is officially chapter one, and I'm planning to have one chapter for each episode of season 1 from this point onwards.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.


End file.
